I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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