My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
