wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
