Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
