Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
