If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
