I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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