She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
