We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
