My first STD was from a foam party
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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