Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
