so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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