i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
