do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
