Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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