i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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