Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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