I will die if light touches me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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