It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
