Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
