This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
