so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
