I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
