my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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