my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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