You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
