if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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