I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
