Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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