I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
