great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
