there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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