did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
