so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
