Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
