Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
