I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
