she woke up with a sticky ear
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
