My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
