Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
