I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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