I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
time to smoke my breakfast
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
