So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
