haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
