I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
