tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
