Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
