i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
