Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
