after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize