We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
