hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
