put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
