I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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