you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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