my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
