party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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