It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
