So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Michael Bay diarrhea
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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