you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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