I want to make a zoo with you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
