margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
