I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
