wakey wakey hands off snakey
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
