I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
