I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
