GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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