I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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