it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
