And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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