Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
