When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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